Hidden at the Office
by Name On The Spine
Summary: M for a serious reason. Like, more lemons then any other fruit of sexiness. All pairings. I take suggestions. PreArtemis. Sorry. Please read though.
1. Ds Gone Wrong

**DISCLAIM-A-MA-BOBER: If I owned Artemis Fowl, it would never have been published. But it was. So put that in your acorn and plant it!!!**

**A/N: There's like _no _R/H smut. I'm an effing pioneer. There isn't an excuse for this, but, it came to me, in SS class, so I wanted to write it. It was formulating all day. So, my useless with knowledge (I already know the Louisiana Purchase), I give you this story. I'm writing at home because my stupid locker wouldn't give me my notebook. DX. X and D are my favorite letters XD. /*\ is my favorite emoticon. Its a dude on a ladder. I'm babbling now. Read on!!! (Note: Pre-Artemis Fowl) **

"Short! Get in here!" Commander Root screamed from his office to his Captain. Captain Short's head flew up at her name and she rushed down the hall to his office.

"Ooh!"'s followed her she made down the long hallway.

"Hello Sir," she said, breathless at the walk.

"Captain Short, you've been a bit of a bad girl today. And yesterday. What have you to say for yourself?" he growled from his seat.

"I'm so sorry Commander!" she cried, faking it. She had missed some paper work. So what?

"Yes, you should be," he agreed, walking to her. "How do you plan to repay me?" he growled the question to her, a hand at the nape of her neck.

"However you want!" she gasped out.

"Good girl. You're doing very well, little Holly, very good," he teased her neck, rubbing his cold fingers in little circles. She repressed a moan at the caress.

Root leaned in and kissed her quietly, hidden out of sight of the door's window. Holly kissed back, though she was horribly aroused by their present arrangement of a more casual relationship, but she still loved the romantic moments they had together, where time stood still and they hadn't a worry of prudence of their relationship.

Roots hands wandered down the back of her suit and unzipped it from the back, and pulled it down. Holly shuddered at the sudden cold.

"Its OK, no one can see but me," Julius muttered kindly, working his own suit. When it was gone, he shuddered himself and conceded to, "D'arvit its cold."

He wandered to the heater and turned it up, instantly creating a inferno.

"Mm, better," said Root, looking at Holly, to see if she was done shivering, as she wasn't he continued, "Where were we?" he asked rhetorically as he walked up and kissed her again, this time deepening the kiss.

Root backed up so Holly's lower back thumped his desk. She winced. "You OK?" he asked, pulling back to lift her onto his desk. He had cleared it earlier.

"Yeah, I'm good. I could be better though . . ." she said sensually, kissing him again. He moaned. She wrapped her legs around his torso and started kissing his neck.

"Gods, Holy," he said, as she reached his shoulder and started sucking a bit. He reached for her bra and clipped it off.

Holly moaned a bit as it fell to the floor and Root began to rub her bare breasts. She moved to remove his boxers, as her female ones were removed.

As they were properly dressed in the appropriate attire (appropriate attire, being none) Root began to thrust into her tight space. They swore at the same time, at the first thrust. The he went in again, and names were called. Time after time an array of colorful words were said, swears, names and callings to more gods then they could remember at this point.

Because Holly began to twitch further on Root. She whisper screamed as she came, and that through Root over the edge and he came simultaneously, landing next to her on his sweaty, wet desk.

After breath was caught, Holly said "Is that all, Sir?" fully dressed and once again, businesslike and he boss had the need to take her again.

"For now, Short. Now get to work!" he said and she slipped through the door, shielding root from any eyes that may have glanced inside.

Root then redressed and peeled the paper from Foaly's camera, a wide smile on his face and scraped the fairy gum from the receiving speakers. Not much made root smile- Holly was at the top of the list and foiling the foil-wearing centaur was high up. He had both in as many minutes and he was ecstatic. He laughed once and down to do some paper work.

Holly, on the other hand, slunk out of his office and casually made her way down the corridor to her closet with a desk- she meant office.

"Holly, you just went to hell and back, whats up?" asked Trouble spinning from his own cage- he meant office.

"Well, a lot is up not mush to make me happy. Mud men, oil, dirt and filth, pollution and worse, paperwork. But I'm having a great day," _better then he knows_, she thought and continued with, "Root couldn't bring me down," _if he tried!_ she finished in her mind and omitted from giggling.

He must have seen that in her eyes. "Fine, but if you start talking about how stupendous your hand is, I'm getting the medical warlocks."

She laughed loud, "Yes sir, Mr. On-Drug-Patrol, but I warn you: I like to say no!" she walked away giggling and Trouble chuckled himself. Holly was being ridiculous, but she was funny. He wheeled himself back into his shoebox- he meant office.

Holly sat in her in her hollow Rubik's Cube with a door- she still means office- and instead of working on her necessary and treacherously tall stack of paper wok, she plotted her next move on Root. She smiled, and this time, couldn't hold back giggles. She'd have to remember this for next week!

* * *

**OK. Raise your hand if you hate me! *waits for reviews reading *raises hand****

**Please tell me of every single grammatically imperfection, because I can't stand grammar mistakes and haven't the patience to look very far back. XD. So, I might have missed something. I hope you H/R shippers, wherever you may be, God bless your little souls, enjoyed this!!!**

**kthnxbi y check out my other stories!!!**


	2. It's NOT incest!

**w0oh0o!!!! New pairings!!! They aren't my characters, but I take full; credit for . . . _this!_**

**Chapter Title- It's NOT incest!**

**Pairing(s)- HollyxTroublexGrub**

"Hi Holly! Hi Trubs!" said Corporal Kelp cheerfully as his brother and his . . . _friend_ sat down.

Okay, so trouble and Holly weren't conventional friends, but they were pals.

"Hi Grub," said one, eyeing her twitching cafeteria food. Trouble just grunted. He, too, was wary of this threat. He also didn't want to be there. He only sat there because Grub would tell Mommy hew left him alone. He had done it once.

"Holly, you're the only one who's nice to me! Everyone else is mean and makes fum. Even Trubs," Grub whined, then nearly pouted.

Before Holly could reply, Trouble said:"Grub, my name is _Trouble_! Not Trubs, Trubby or . . . my previous name. And quite being a baby! _Man up!_" You can imagine he said this quite angrily.

Poor Grub look about to cry, but Holly got an idea.

"Trouble," she started slyly. Trouble paid attention. That was her someones-going-to-get-some voice. "Why don't we try to man him up?"

"No way. That's gross. he's my brother," replied Trouble casually. He _was not,_no matter how much Holly begged or stared at him with her big, greenish eyes would he do Grub.

"Oh, come on, it could be fun."

"I like fun!" volunteered Grub, oblivious to what was being discussed.

"See? He wants it," she trailed her fingers seductively down Trouble's back. His resolve shook. "You know you want it, too."

"H-holly, no. It's-s my broth-er," he stuttered out his her fingers went back up his back.

"Please," she insisted, looking up at him with big, greenish (hazel, that were slowly becoming brown-black with lust) eyes and brushed her delicously cold fingers on his neck.

"Fine." Holly beamed at the answer.

"Gru-ub!" she sang to the confused elf, "you want to come have fun with us?"

"Yeah! Really? Thanks!" the rarely invited to anything elf we all know and are slightly fond of, Grub replied quickly.

"Wait," stopped Trouble, "whose office?"

"um, corporals have smaller offices right?"

Grub nodded. He couldn't speak because he was eating and Mommy said it was rude to talk while chewing. Holly wondered how they could fit inside a smaller office then hers.

"okay, mine or yours?" mused Trouble.

"Mine. You have that bookcase along with your desk. And mines sound proof," she said, mildly proud of the soundproofing. Nothing like blasting MudMan music to wake you up in the morning.

"Awesome. C'mon Grub," Trouble got up, stretched and beckoned his brother to follow him. Grub followed eagerly.

Holly(who abandoned her "food") led them to her office, smiling broadly, already a bit wet. Poor Grub, he still had no idea what was going on.

She quickly opened the door for them and closed it behind them, locking it and soundproofing. She turned slowly to the brothers. Trouble, who had black-brown eyes and matching hair, dirt brown skin and muscles without adjectives for. Grub looked similar. They shared eyes, hair, the natural handsomeness and skin color. Grub was an inch shorter and had a few pounds less awesomeness- I mean muscle. They both appeared 18. Needless to say, Holly was one happy girl. No matter how whiny Grub was.

"Wh-what are we doing, guys?" asked a nervous (and undoubtedly aroused) Grub.

"we, my dear friend, are about to have an erotic, slightly incest like orgy. You already said you wanted in on the fun. We are going to man. You. Up." Said holly, each period of "man. You. Up" bringing her a step closer to Grub until she was inches away. Grub's breathing went up a notch.

"This is _not _incest!" argued Trouble indignantly, yet baselessly, "I'm just . . . helping."

"Fine. Forget the incest. Do you still want to stay?" Holly asked kindly.

"Yes," he breathed, "Mom doesn't need to know.

"It's working already," Trouble muttered.

Holly laughed breifly, then kissed Grub. Grub was shell-shocked for a moment. Holly Short. Holly Basil Short. Captian Short. Holls. All of them, though the same girl, were kissing him. He'd had a crush on her for years. Ever since he moved to her street.

Kissing him.

After a moment of shock, he kissed back with a force. And, suprisingly, the boy no one thought was even interested in girls yet, was a natural. Holly slipped her arms around his neck and his hands found her hips.

Trouble, feeling left out, was sulking. Suddenly, he had an idea.

Threesome.

Mentally cackling, he walked behind Holly and slipped his hands in between the embrace and began kissing her neck. She moaned and tightened her grip on Grub, as a reflex reaction, not meaning to offend. Miffed, Trouble kissed, sucking a bit on her neck, hands roaming her body while she kissed his brother. In seconds, she was arching up into his hands and (by what was thought to be a) coincidence Grub's chest. It was no coincidence.

She pulled back and Trouble's hands pulled at the zipper of Grub's suit, while her own was handled by Trouble. Once Grub's was gone, Holly did a 180 and unzipped Trouble.

Grub didn't undo anything. He just realized what he had gotten into.

He was about to have sex with Holly Short _and_ his brother. At the same time.

_D'arvit_, was all the poor recon jock could think as he saw Holly in only her underwear. He himself was rather exposed. But but Holly was a bit more important to his erection then his modesty.

Then she kissed his brother.

Then he remembered it was a threesome, so he would have to share. He got a little more aroused at that. His motherfucking brother kissing Holly Short as he watched- nearly naked.

Why couldn't he get over that Holly and himself were naked?

He walked up behind her and rubbed her back like he thought Trouble had done. He kissed her neck (it seemed like a good idea).

She leaned away from Trouble to whisper in his ear "I think Grubs getting it," then resumed kissing him. After mere moments, they decided it was time to remove clothing.

After a very complicated series of movements the auther had written but now cannot decipher, they were all naked.

Here was the part Grub was unsure about.

Of coarse, he knew the theory, but the action was a bit more worrisome. He blushed and Holly almost looked victorious

"You owe me 10 ouinces of gold!" he whispered to Holly.

"What?" Grub questioned indigantly.

"You're a virin, aren't you?" she asked, like she was begging for a "no".

"Not for long,"he said and stepped foreward to Holly, but she slipped out of the way with a glint in her eyes and Grub ended up kissing the only other (live) person in the room. His brother.

Niether pulled away as the two similar bodies pressed against each other, tasting each other. Then, they began to really kiss. They both thought it was wrong, but niether pulled away. They hardly cared as they carresed each other's skin. Trouble was first to reach groin. He stroked, pulled and teased his brother. Grub moaned and moaned.

Suddenly, a tiny mouth sourounded him. He broke the kiss and looked down to see Holly sucking him. His eyes went wide, and Trouble kissed him again. He ran one hand through Holly's short hair, and the other nearby, on Trouble's erection.

"Grub . . ." he moaned.

"Holly . . . Trouble . . . Fron," came out of Grub's moth, as well as a few other words and phrases Mommy didn't have to know about. Hell, Mommy didn't have to know about any of this. Suddenly, Trouble stopped the stream of kisses had, in between hisses and moans of pleasure to whispre a question to Holly:"You want to . . .?"

She grinned, "Sure." She turned to Grub "Would you mind laying on the floor, I guess, belly up?"

She he did, she slammed herself onto his excited cock. Grub stifled a scream of pleasure. Holly moaned loudly. Then she started to move. grub grabbed her hips in an uncharacteristic desplay of masculine dominantness, and guided her grinding. It was the delicious release he needed.

To Holly's perspective, he was amazingly reminecent of Trouble. The thought made her smile as she was guided Grub, and was altogether, much more then insanely happy.

They both felt the pressure build in their lower stomachs. Grub's his flew to meet Holly's.

Then the entire world exploded and both saw stars. Holly colapsed on his chestas they fought for their breath.

"You sure you're still a virgin?" she asked, breathless.

He smiled smugly. "Nope."

Trouble cleared is throat. "Someone forgot me," he siad in a sing-song voice.

Holly grinned and stood up dizzily, "Sorry," she apologized and kissed him.

Grub redressed queitly and slunk out of the love nest- he meant office, not interupting the pair.

Holly kissed down his neck, chest and stomach, until she reached him and started sucking. She sucked, licked and once even bit him until he came. he leaned back against her desk for support. The world froze for a moment in that one second of passion and pleasure for at least 5 minutes.

Holly smiled a little and redressed.

"Lunch break has been over for at least 20 minutes," she said chuckling.

"I don't want to work," Trouble said still breathless and riding down his orgasmic high. In his opinon, Holly ouldn't look bad if she tried.

Holly laughed and replied, "Neither do I. We have to though.I have so many ideas for more fun things then paperwork . . ." The last sentence waned of in such a way trouble just wanted to take her, all day.

Then, Holly made the dealbreaker, "You know, Foaly will be on the communicator in a few minutes. We always talk during his lunch break, which is a half an hour after ours."

In response, Trouble pulled on his clothes and ran out of her office like lightening. If there was lightening underground.

**I TAKE PAIRING SUGGESTIONS!!!!!!! This was started out of a trade deal with BlackWidowPretty (whom I should just be adressing directly as i think she's the only one reading. Please, review and prove me wrong) and I wrote this in return for a epilougue, or just another chapter in general, of her story SmartSheets Secrets, which I fully suggest reading.**

**Please tell me of any spelling errors/grammar errors/wrong-to-the-books statements/dickheaded things I did/PAIRINGS YOU WANT!**

**kthnxbi**


	3. Just For Each Other?

**Sorry for the wait. You should know I'm a cruddy update-ador. I don't own this idea (no one's perverted enough to claim the idea of a fuck-centered story)(I would though, if I owned it) and I don't own the characters. But, there are brownies on the counter that could be mine . . . I biked 6 miles today and almost passed out playing volleyball! I think I can take the calories . . .**

**And, I have a pole on my profile. Please vote! It's like reviewing (equally important and makes the reciever feel fuzzy inside), and it's for a one-shot/short multi-chaptered fic I may write. I think I'm going to add a manga fandom (Inuyasha, I'm a huge fan. But, it doesn't have a plot. Yet. That's where you come in. Please). So, please vote. And, NOTE- If it comes to a tie, my little Muggles, it'll be HP, and I'll try to become a Death Eater, and well . . . Let's see if Voldy's got the balls to deal with this Death Eater wannabe. Or balls at all. I have plans for Voldy . . . *cackles* It's not as dirty as it seems.**

**And it'll either be Bellatrrix/Voldy and Lucius/OC; or Voldy/Lucius and Bellatrix/OC. Depends on how gay I am that day . . .**

* * *

It was common knowledge that there was at least one girl going around giving some. This was such a scandal (other then the obvious reasons) because field officers didn't have the time or the heart to be romantically involved with someone outside of work. So they rather fancied the idea of getting laid by a chick with a badge quite a bit. But, no one knew who she (or they) were, and, the victims stayed quiet. Kiss and tell, sure; but fuck your fellow officer and tell? Frond, no.

But of those who cared, many had theories. They thought they knew one was Lili Frond. But, they only thought they knew. Lili only did those who she was currently dating.

Most suspected a few sexy nerd techies. Some of those sprites were all long hair and longer legs.

But, after ten minutes of her no one even thought of Holly Short. Until, of course, they were screaming her name in ecsacty.

But, the previously mentioned Lili Frond, who was susicious of every creature with breasts. Female or otherwise. There were a few overweight fairies who thought she had a thing for them.

She was especially watchful of a Captian Short. It was the way she seemed to capture eyes. They always seemed to turn to her, even if she says no words and slips silently, her feet always as silent as a fluttter of an eyelash.

Being a bit smarter then she made herself out to be, Corperal Frond devised a plan to find her out and have a bit of fun along the way.

"Holly, could I, like, talk to you?" Lili asked, upping her bimbo a bit more. Even Lili, who was quite good at the spiritual "mumbo jumbo" she practiced for her cover person found it rather hard to summon more bimbo. It was sad, in a way.

"Gimme a second!" Holly answered the female she had little respect for, "I've got to get Diggums to Beetroot's or I may loose the pot!" Then turned a corner half dragging a dwarf who was calmly eating bugs from his beard and trying to make nice conversation.

Lili chuckled. By "Pot" Holly'd meant the bet going around of when Julius' heart will blow. Holly bet he'd go differently then a heart attack. Lili herself, had that he could go any time, but he'd go smokin'. This, she'd assumed, was too intelligent, so she would keep her money no matter what. When she looked up again the short red haired elf was walking down the corridor again, finger in ear. She stopped at Lili's cubicle.

"What do you want, Frond? I've got paperwork tall as a mudman to do. Root'll punish me . . . and it won't be pretty," Holly demanded, but the effect was lost with her ending with slightly glazed eyes.

"You'll want to come in, Captian," she answered. Holly obliged for once. She was curious. The dumb corprals tone had changed. Lili sounded smarter and . . . alluring? Holly waited.

"You've heard the rumors of a vixen coming and de-flowering our manly officers," she offered Holly a seat. Once Holly had sat, Lili then leaned close, "You wouldn't know who's doing the de-flowering, do you?"

Holly gulped inaudibly and thought _She knows. And she's got you._

"Know the rumors, not the whore. Sorry," Holly replied casually, if not annoyed sounding, as though it hadn't killed her to call herself a whore. It was deragatory. She didn't do it for money. It wasn't for love either, but that's not the point.

"Oh, I think you do," Lili insisted.

Holly could of sworn she was arroused. Of course she wasn't. She was straight.

"I don't know who. Let me go, Corpral!" She had to get out of this cramped place. The smell of maca root **(1)** was overwhelming**.**

"I don't think so," said Lili, wrapping her arms in an embrace around Holly's waist, "I know you know. You're not leaving until you tell me."

"I'll have you acorns!" Holly sputtered.

Lili snorted. "What acorns? I'm a corpral remember?" Lili collected herself, and whispered sadly: "I don't want to have to torture you . . ." before resting her blonde head on the other elf's shoulder.

"Torture . . .?" Holly asked, neck craning from Lili's head.

Lili nodded falsly sadly, before continously kissing Holly's neck.

Holly moaned. Lili was_ so good . . . _

"It's me," Holly said, before she could stop herself.

"Now, you only take whom you choose?" Lili inquired , breathing into Holly'd ear.

"Usually." Holly answered.

"Can I make a suggestion?" Lili asked, her whisper tickling Holly's ear. It felt amazing . . .

"You don't need to," Holly replied and twisted around to kiss Lili at the speed of light.

Lili was suprised. She wasn't gay. And, according to male elves galore, niether was Holly. But, like to brothers that I (the author) am reminesent of, they didn't care.

Holly's arms wrapped around Lili's neck, as she leaned over the chair. Lili's hands stayed at Holly's waist a she spn her back around and "attacked".

Lili began to walk around the chair, so Holly was kneeling, but leaning against the back of the chair, as Lili leaned over her.

Holly moved her hand to the zipper of Lili's suit.

"Do you want to do this?" Holly asked, slightly breathless.

"Do you?" Lili replied cheekily. It took two to tango.

Holly answered by unzipping Lili's suit. Lili, ever the the planner, had gone commando. Once it was gone, Holly just loooked for a moment. She wasn't gay, but she would be for Lili Frond. She had dark blonde hair to her thin, but muscled waist. Between the two, was a beuatiful face and unnaturally (but natural) large breasts. Following this was a yard of legs. But, when you're only a meter tall, a yard is a lot. Near all of this as covered in the brown shade of brown wood, freshly polished.

"Whoa . . ." Holly muttered, appreciatively. Also, in shock. She'd never really seen what males saw in her. But now . . . whoa.

After a moment, Lili couldn't take the waiting any more, and attacked Holly's Lili's frustration, she'd worn undewear. Holly stood up to quicken the removal, and Lili removed the underwear in three swipes, and took in the form of the elf before her.

Holly had auburn hair to the jaw of her uncommonly pretty face. It was a different kind of beuaty. Her face was thiner than usually considered attractive, but it fit her lithe body and her entire being gave of an aura of a danger to it. **(2) **If you gave in, there'd likely be something to pay. In Lili's eyes, having a first look at a female partner, saw her as beuatiful.

Lili, having taken a minute to observe, and all together check out Holly, began to kiss on breast, while fingering the other. Holly moaned and braided her fingers through the blonde tresses.

Holly turned around slowly, and then liad Lili into the chair in an instant and straddled her. Lili shuddered at the feeling ofd a certian part of Holly, warm and wet, leaking on to her leg.

Then Holly kissed her neck, grinding her hips onto Lili's leg teasingly.

"Holly . . . That feels so . . ." Lili moaned as Holly began to lick at her collar bone.

It was Holly's revenge for the delicious torture Lili'd put her through. Holly then kised down the valley between Lili's breasts and down her stomach stopping only to nip the navel once, getting a wonderful gasp in return. Then Holly licked a small trail down to her prize destination.

Holly spread Lili's legs and bashfully looked inside. What she saw nearly made her cum. The core of a woman who sought her out, soaking wet, and aching for her.

Maybe she should go gay.

Holly, at this point, didn't know what to do. She fingered Lili's clit, and grew a bit of audacity from her moan. She lowered her mouth to her core, only to kiss it twice, from the force of Lili's bucking hips.

Lili shrieked queitly at the sensation. Her hands threaded through Holly's hair, bringing her lips closer.

Holly had an idea. It wasn't exactly "genius", but it was a dang good idea in her opinion.

Holly's tongue swirled around the whole teasingly. A moment later (convinced via Lili's hands in her hair) plunged the organ as deep as possible inside her. Lili screeched Holly's name as Holly retreated, and plunged back in again.

If Holly could have grinned, she would have. Though she wasn't in the most profitable postion, she could definatley see herself cumming from this. She brought a hand down from Lili's hip to tease herself, while she continually thrusted her tongue fast into Lili. She knew how she would have wanted it, and sent it all hard and fast into her.

Lili, meanwhile, had never been done by a girl. It was an . . . interesting experiance. And, by interesting, she meant _hot_.

Lili was very close to her orgasm, she could almost feel the pleasure already. Holly, still pleasuring herself, was too, so close. She gave one last thrust into Lili, a casual anti-climatic flick to her clit (which sent Lili over the edge), one last thrust into herself, then came.

Holly trembled from her toes to her tongue. It was that organ that brought Lili to her own silently screaming release moments before. Holy leaned back against the desk to catch her breath.

Still feeling the after shocks of her orgasm, but also her curiousity, Lili asked: "So, you're Her?"

Holly, who thouroughly enjoyed her "status" as "Her" replied "I would have thought they'd have come up with a better name tha-"

"Actually, they call you Mystery Whore," Lili interrupted.

Holly raised an eyebrow, "That's me. But, where does this leave me? I'm straight. Or, I was. And I didn't know you were . . ." Lili shook her head no.

Lili thought for a second, "Only gay for each other?"

Holly loved the idea. "Agreed."

****

1) maca root is one of thos funky herbs that help in the lust department. Origanally, it was the scent of lillies, but that seemed silly.

2) The descriptions of Holly that stuck with me is "dangerously pretty" and "black widow pretty", so my mentaql imagine of her is a bit more sarcastically sinister then most people's (I.E., the dude who made the manga), but if you fall into the trap of the black widow, there'll be hell to pay, so I figured the same thing with Holly's appearence in this. I'm sorry if I got all funky with this. I view the Holly-of-my-mind's-eye as one of (if not the most) attractive in the series, so I wanted to incorperate my view of her. She looks no different here than in the books.

Please tell me if you found any grammar, spelling, something totally anal I got wrong or if you just liked it =). I also need suggestions . . . Please?


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